Musings of an Otaku
by Nimash
Summary: Renge's inner ramblings on things such as love, life, and anime. Short drabbles from the perspective of none other than the Host Club's very own otaku.
1. Unrequited Love

Unrequited Love

What does she have that I don't?

Grant it, I'll admit she's cuter, and technically smarter, but-

But she's not me.

Can't you see me? Don't I stand out in your mind? Five years from now will you still remember my name, be able to spot me in a crowd?

Of course you won't. You're too busy with _her_.

I never gave up, though.

Every day, I enter on that platform, knowing I'll be sure to make a scene.

Hoping you'll notice.

Every day, I help with ideas.

Wishing you would notice.

Every day, I give my all.

Praying to some entity above that you'll notice.

Every day, you see her walk into the room.

You notice her.

Every day, you talk to her about the club.

God, do you notice her.

Every day, she shows up unenthusiastically.

Not only do you notice, but you smile, you whisper.

You love her.

And god damnit, why can't that be me?

Why can't I be pretty like her?

Why can't I be smart like her?

Why can't I be the one you love?

But I can't let you go. I can't simply forget you, pretend you never existed. You're planted so deep in my heart that I can't get you out. Believe me, I tried.

I love you so much that you hurt me without even trying.

I wish I looked like her.

I wish I spoke like her.

I wish I dressed like her.

I wish you loved me like you love Haruhi, Kyouya.

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><p><strong>I'm going to say this once, and only once, so listen up: Me no own. Simple as that.<strong>

**What's this, you ask? Why, drabbles from Renge's perspective. No real plot, timeline, not really relating to one another; just little drabbles to help me unwind at the end of the day and pay tribute to our favorite otaku.**

**I promise there are happier ones. I always feel bad when I put characters through such emotional pain.**

**They will probably be KyoRenge, or at least quite a few, seeing as how I love the couple (although you wouldn't guess from this entry; even more ironic, I don't like HaruKyo) so if you aren't a fan of the pairing or Renge, either don't comment on it or stop reading. Because in my mind, Renge is actually quite clever, passionate, and quirky. I"m going to stop there before I rant, because believe you me, you don't want me ranting about this.**

**Updates shall be sporadic from here on out.**

**'Till next time, read and review!**


	2. True Brains

True Brains

Upon first impression, I probably come off as a loud, obnoxious, brain-dead otaku.

And that's exactly how I want it.

Think about it; plans don't astound and sound quite as genius when someone already established as a brainiac comes up with them.

But admit it, you're more than a little shocked when someone you've dubbed an idiot comes up with the ingenious solution.

So when _I'm_ the one suggesting how to best divvy up the budget, or how to attract more customers, or even something as simple as what to cosplay, it's automatically brilliant.

And I believe that proves just how clever I can be.

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><p><strong>Wow, that's not very impressive.<strong>

**Yeah, just something short I managed to whip up in my spare time. It will help you understand how I see Renge and how I portray her.**

**Just throwing this out there; does anyone else find it ironic that a lot of fans who claim themselves as "otakus" hate Renge? _These_ are the questions that haunt me...**

**Read and enjoy!**


	3. Being Cute

Being Cute

Ever since I was born, I can remember being called cute.

Not pretty, beautiful, attractive; cute.

But does that really count?

I mean, puppies are cute. Little kids are cute. Old couples are cute.

But the women who actually attract a decent amount of boys are pretty, beautiful, attractive.

Not "cute".

For example, Kyouya's new girlfriend.

God, do I hate her; but god, is she beautiful. Long, curled red hair, blue eyes, curves, and full lips. She's exotic, gorgeous even.

And I'm just "cute".

I even worked up the nerve to ask Kyouya what he thought of me when I saw him, last time I visited Boston. Seeing as how I was now in college, and no longer associated with the Host Club, at least not in the "manager" sense, I figured I must have amounted to something in his eyes.

He sees me as a good friend, little sister.

Really? And then his stupid girlfriend cackled and commented on how cute I was, and asked for the millionth time what grade I was in, acting like it was a huge shock I was in college.

I wish she would go jump off a cliff.

But I know better, now. Plenty of guys are willing to date someone cute like me.

And Kyouya's realized that, too.

So he can have his stupid, exotic, pretty girlfriend.

I'll just go on another date with that "cute" writer.

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><p><strong>It seems almost like I enjoy writing KyoRenge more when they aren't actually together...<strong>

**Realized how short the other update was, so I managed to finish this one up.**

**I saw quite a few people comment on how adorable they think Renge is. Personally, I think this would annoy her to no end, and would be _hilarious_ to watch.**

**Oh, and to the two people who are actually reading this, any requests on what Renge should talk about? My creativity has been drained lately, so I could use the help...**

**Read and enjoy!**


	4. The Holidays

The Holidays

There's nothing more romantic than being with your special someone, or confessing to your secret crush during the holidays. It's the magical time when anything's possible, and the spirit of giving and love overtakes us all.

In my last year of high school, the Host Club and some of our closest friends decided to reunite once more in one of the Ootori vacation homes in the mountains and spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together.

Honestly, I had planned on telling Kyouya how I felt. Even if I rarely saw him anymore, what with him busy studying all the time, the moments we shared together always made me feel so light and happy.

Right before I was going to go up to him and ask to speak in private, in order to confess, I took in the scene before me.

Mori, Hunny, and Reiko, who was officially Hunny's girlfriend now (can anyone else say adorable?) were slaving away in the kitchen, baking cookies and making peppermint bark. Tamaki and Ayame were decorating the tree, arguing over where to put the ornaments, but Ayame always letting Tamaki win and putting up no more protest than rolling her eyes, knowing how much it meant to him. Kaoru was "innocently" hanging up mistletoe right above were Haruhi and Hikaru were talking, both immediately blushing. And Kyouya, wonderful Kyouya, was sitting by the fireplace, book in hand, also taking everything in. When our eyes met, he lightly patted the chair next to him, a small half-smile on his face, causing my heart to melt.

Taking my seat, I decided to bite my tongue, knowing that this year, the holidays were already magical enough, even without a romance.

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><p><strong>Sorry for not updating anything in so long, school's a killer, and I've been losing my drive and creativity. Luckily, I can feel it creeping back, so hopefully I can start updating regularly. Hopefully, I'll post a one-shot on Christmas or New Years as well, but if I don't, then I'll count this as my holiday special (this sounds like some sitcom, now). <strong>

**Until next time, read and review!**


	5. Dating Sims

Dating Sims

You can't imagine how excited I am for Uki Doki Memorial Five! Eeee! Only three more days, two hours, and sixteen-no, wait…fifteen minutes until it's mine!

Obsessed? I hardly think so.

…Maybe a little.

But the beauty of dating sims is that you become the girl you've always wanted. Every boy wants to capture your heart, and you're the center of attention.

Now, I think we all can agree that I'm a wonderful and enchanting person to be around, but for some reason, my love life, is, well, borderline pathetic. Strangely, real boys just aren't as excited about shoujo and yaoi, although I can probably guess why they aren't fans of the latter…

At any rate, in dating sims, you always win; how cool is that! I guess for a while I was pretty obsessed with Uki Doki Memorial, but after meeting the Host Club, I'm proud to say that I have a better grasp on reality now, and I've cut my daily playing time in half (mostly because I'm not tutored anymore and therefore have homework).

I suppose what I'm really getting down to is that so long as they don't take total control over you, they can be a nice escape from reality. Oh, and now it's three more days, two hours, and eleven minutes until I get Uki Doki Memorial Five!

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><p><strong>Not much to say, just that I'll be trying to update all stories on Mondays from now on, including this. Also, if anyone has any ideas about future topics, don't be shy.<strong>

**Until next time, read and enjoy!**


	6. Reading Manuals

Reading Manuals

I'm just going to come out and say I'm not the most patient person around. Therefore, I can't stand having to read over fifty pages of mumbo jumbo just to start playing with my new console. I'll figure it out eventually, right? Besides, think of all the memories made when you discover new things about whatever came with the manual; I feel so much more accomplished to know I figured everything out by myself instead of reading about it.

Of course, there are times when you need to consult the instructions, specifically when you think you've broken something, but even now we have the internet, and it's so easy to just type your problem into Google and see what real people did to actually fix it, instead of trying to translate whatever those confusing writers put down.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to call tech support, because my stupid cell phone is acting up and the manual is somewhere in a pile of trash.

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><p><strong>This was short. And that's all I really have to say.<strong>

**For those of you who read my other stories (that's right, both of you) I'm sorry I haven't updated. I promise I will soon.**

**At any rate, until next time, read and enjoy.**


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